


It's What He Wanted

by JiffyflopMB



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humanstuck, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Maybe sex, Permanent Injury, Red Romance, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiffyflopMB/pseuds/JiffyflopMB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rufioh has gone off to war and left his boyfriend Horuss to stress over him. When something goes wrong, the two of them fight to live the normal life they both want again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Everything changed when Rufioh went to war. It was a scary time, working mindlessly, wondering when the love of his life would come home, if he would. Horuss wouldn't think about that though, he wouldn't let himself. He was just hopeful that Rufioh was happy doing what he loved; honestly, because it scared him to death. 

When Rufioh had told him excitedly, his heart had dropped, and he stared, gaping, like a fish out of water. Now was different, though. 

It had been months, but it felt like years. They drug on forever, every second was a century for the quickly aging stallion. Horuss sent letters, Rufioh responded. That made the man absolutely overjoyed. He felt like the couple was a pair of lovers from the fifties, and he even imagined himself waving goodbye to Rufioh wearing a flowing red dress. It brought a smile to his permanently worried expression.

Meulin would visit him on occasions, making sure he wasn't completely in solitude. Sometimes the perky woman would bring her mute boyfriend, and things got slightly awkward when the Deaf woman would translate for her mute other, and Horuss would become confused, how could someone like HIM say something so rude? And Meulin would defend him, and this frustrated Horuss but he would not let it show, and the whole endeavor would leave the loverless man exhausted and annoyed once the adorable couple had left.

Horuss worked, he drowned himself in it, trying to distract himself from Rufioh's absence. He would listen to classical music as loudly as his stereo would play it, and he preformed task after mindless task, building intricate parts that his mechanical engineering job required. It would stress him out immensely, but Horuss didn't have anything on his mind other than worry.

Sometimes it physically made him sick, the worry, the longing, the missing, the sadness and depression that went along with having his little Nitram lover out and away from him. The man would cry. His eyes were sunken and bruised to prove it; the fact prompted him to start wearing dark glasses at times when he was with company, or outside-- both of which happened rarely.


	2. This chapter starts the actual story

Horuss woke up that morning wishing he hadn't. He breathed heavily, pulling the covers over his head again as his alarm screeched at him harshly. Finally, having enough, his large, heavy, calloused hand crashed down onto the snooze button. Stray strands of hair fluttered into his face as his head turned to face the pillow. Today, his mind was blank. He wasn't thinking about anything new, aside from how weird it was that his feelings were numb instead of assaulting him at every turn of the head.

Had ten minutes really gone that fast? Apparently so, his alarm startled his still awake body as it screamed out a second time. This time Horuss sat up on his bed slowly and shut off the ringer. He stretched his muscular body--one he had worked very hard to achieve, was very proud of, and maintained despite his busy schedule and raging emotions-- and stood up with little to no grace. His clumsy, sleepy steps led him to the bathroom and into the shower.

It was cold when he got in. It woke him up and dragged a yelp out of him. When the water was warm, he was content. Horuss washed his long hair and wondered. The beast of a man tended to wonder a lot while showering, which led to extremely long showers. Today he wondered whether or not he needed to go to the store for metal, or food. Possibly both, or neither. At a final decision, he opted for food only, parts could wait, and stepped out of the shower. Decision making was also sometimes part of his morning routine.

 He brushed his teeth, almost glaring at his naked, damp self in the mirror.  He thought about what he did to deserve this, all of this. It hurt, he felt like it was his fault almost a moment. Once he was done brushing his teeth, he walked out to dress. Was Rufioh thinking about him? He hoped; but at the same time, not. He hoped Rufioh wasn't as distracted as he, but he hoped he himself was on his love's mind.

He was dressed, he was clean, and he was ready for the day at about six-thirty. The Zahhak tied his hair back loosely, bangs falling in his face, stray hairs pushed over his shoulders; and pushed his glasses over his eyes. 

He was averagely dressed-- white button up shirt, sleeves pushed up, and a pair of dark, well worn jeans. He walked to the kitchen slowly and put on a pot of coffee. He sat in silence for a moment. Quickly, his mind began hurling curve balls at him. As quick as they came, he stood up and turned on a small radio that was on the counter. Its music drowned the thoughts. The worries and anxiety and thoughts. 

A sharp noise cut his enjoyment of the music. The coffee was done. Horuss approached and poured himself a cup, taking it black, unlike his men, he liked them darker, mostly because that's how his Rufioh was. Although, he felt he would like Rufioh no matter what color or size he was. 

A chill went down his spine as he realized that's not how he thought when they first began their relationship. With a swig of coffee now burning his mouth and throat, the accursed thought left as quickly as it came.

Horuss didn't have to work today; it was Sunday, his only day off. He leant on the counter, drinking his coffee, stomach flipping for food he hadn't eaten yet. The man walked to receive the mail first. As he had hoped, it was there; and as he wanted, there was a letter from Rufioh. He tore inside and to the table, knocking over his cup in all the rush and excitement. He couldn't sit and paced about as he read.

"Hey doll!

God I'm so happy to hear from you again. Your last letter took forever to come, I was missing your poetry. :( Anyway, I'm doing better... It's boring, my Unit has been pretty inactive at the moment, we've just been drilling. Today I got a minute though so yea! I heard we were going to be checking out this new area soon though, I'm nervous and excited! I love being out here, and I miss you too. I am glad I don't have to hide my sexuality though, like I would've when we were really young. But nevermind that, I'm just, uhg everything is so dope! I'm really sorry you're so worried, though. I promise I'll be home soon. Just hold out a little longer! We'll watch lots of horse movies when I get back in a couple months, okay? Now tell me how you've been, and what's going on! That's what we do every time, right? Haha, okay Horuss, I love you so much. I want to see you as bad as you wanna see me! Write soon!

Rufioh"

Horuss was smiling softly at the sharp handwriting on the folded paper. He set the letter on the table and went to go for his phone and keys, deciding to hit the store early. His stomach growled again, and he chose to ignore it. The majestic stallion would make food when he got home.


	3. Visits

Horuss found himself back at home, carrying groceries inside. It was quiet, it was still. The air in his house was always in this perpetual state, but it wasn't even worth noting at this point anymore. He just set the bags near the counter and went about stocking up his refrigerator and pantry. A raspy sigh escaped his lips as he glanced at the clock: it was eight o'clock. Horuss closed his eyes and straightened his back, having finished with this chore, he went to attend to more. 

He cleaned the house. It was boring, it was tedious, but it needed to be done. When the man took a heavy seat on the love seat, there was a buzz of silence. He listened, not knowing what to listen for or why. 

There was silence. There was no one, it was just him in the fairly large house; and ache attacked him slowly, consuming him as he curled up in a ball, pulling his legs to his chest and hugging them tightly. His eyes closed and his lip quivered, pain throbbing dully in his stomach and head and through every other orifice in him. He just wanted his other back.

He needed him back.

He felt like he was going insane. Horuss shook his head and tried to stand, but found he lacked any will power to even move. He put his face on his knees, removing his glasses after he found they were in the way.

Something broke the silent buzz of nothing.

His phone was buzzing.

He slowly picked it up and unlocked it.

It was Meulin, texting him; because for a Deaf woman, phone calls were a sort of taboo.

"Hey horuss! ^u^"

He quickly responded, realizing his mood was not helping anything at all,

"Hello Meulin."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, is there anything you needed?"

"Heck yea you big fuddy duddy! I'm coming ofur today. No questions!!!! (>3<)"

"Wait, e%cuse me?!"

There was no reply. Horuss once again found an elongated sigh ripped from his chest. He assumed she was going to be showing up soon, but still found little effort to move. What did he need to do? He had already done what he had planned for today, it wasn't a big deal. He just figured he would be extremely tired once she left.

The doorbell rang. He looked at the door, confused at first. When it rang a second time, he shook his head and scrambled to his feet, galloping to the door quickly and flinging it open.

There stood his ecstatic, cute best friend. She was a couple years younger than he was, but she was highly intelligent, definitely more so than himself in many fields. She spoke fluent english, ASL, and Japanese. Though her hearing was impaired (she was not completely deaf, as she had told Horuss a plethora of times, but Deaf with a capital D was the short and easy way to speak about the community of hearing impaired individuals), Meulin was still a fantastically articulate speaker and singer. She stepped inside, olive cocktail dress fluttering around her delicately. Her large hips swung absentmindedly as she waved ecstatically at Horuss, as if she had a tail. He smiled softly, and exhaled a relieved sigh, realizing her pet boyfriend was not with her this time. Words from her loud mouth brought him back to the real world.

"Hi Horuss!" She squeaked. Her excitement over everything brought a smile to his face.

"Hello Meu--"

He was quickly cut off by the woman who wore cocktail dresses and cat sweaters as she grabbed his wrist and drug him to the sofa, yelping out loudly once more, "You will not believe what happened! It paws wonpurrful!!"

So the two sat, talking for hours, never tiring of each other, always switching to a new thing to talk about. They also watched a couple movies, Horuss made the two of them meals, and she was over all day. He was happy, being able to spend time with his best friend, with anyone. Even if she did stay her welcome for the entire day, it was comforting, it was pleasant.

When she had left, Horuss was at peace. He wasn't angry or upset or extra tired, he just felt peaceful. With that, the decision to go to bed early was made. Tomorrow he had work to do, and he had a letter to write to his much loved one.


	4. The Call

Horuss awoke earlier than the previous day; four A.M. Quickly, he got himself showered, dressed, and ready for work.

He took his car. It was a slow ride, although the streets were clear. He felt groggy, as always in the early morning hours that he worked. As an engineer, his schedule was packed tightly into as many hours as they could give him; it did provide him with quite a bit of money, though, and for that, he couldn't complain.

He arrived at work near five, which is when his shift started. He walked to his station. Horuss stood for a minute, taking a deep breath before sitting down to start his day.

Firstly, he examined the parts he was supposed to be making. It was a motor, meant to go in a small robot toy. He was supposed to make the thing small enough to fit in the arm of the toy. He sighed and pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose, moving to grab a base plate. His work had officially begun.

About three hours into his shift, Horuss was nearly finished with the motor. He finished the last touches, attaching levers and pulling the wires out from underneath the plates so the small contraption could be wired into an arm. He set it on the side of his desk for a moment to quickly check his email. Fingers flew over the keyboard once the man had turned toward the computer. Placing a bored hand on his chin, he looked over the twelve emails he had been sent. Most were from his friends, collaborating together on a screen play for fun. Once read, he went away to take the motor to his partners to ask them their input on it.

Horuss sighed when he reached his desk once again, happy to be rested peacefully in a chair. It was absolutely bliss, enjoying the time to himself at work; he was independent, and better at working alone than with others. Still, he loved everything about his job and couldn't complain. 

Suddenly, his phone began to ring. Horuss was extremely confused. No one ever called him at work, at least, not on his personal phone. He dug into his pocket, slowly answering and pressing the phone to his ear.

"Hello," he began hesitantly, "Zahhak speaking."

The voice was strained, strict in reply, and what startled Horuss is that he did not recognize the voice until they stated who they were.

"Hello, this is Private Hans, I'm calling on behalf of Private Nitram. Are you associated with this soldier?"

Horuss felt warm, and he felt a lump forming in his throat. A deep intake of breath, and he answered, "Yes, I am. Is there something wrong?"

The man on the line paused, then continued, "Private Nitram is being hospitalized at the moment. He requested not to give any details to you, but we are to inform you he is being discharged due to his medical complications, and is being transferred to the hospital in your area, Saint Francis North Hospital,"

Horuss felt his heart drop in his chest and rise all at once. He would get to see his love again, oh his beautiful Rufioh! Although, there was something wrong. Something had happened, and he didn't know what it was.  He choked, trying to hold the tears of happiness and worry all back. Finally, he responded, "When, when will he be transferred?"

Private Hans responded almost instantly to this, "he will be transferred by tomorrow."

"May I speak with Ru-- Private Nitram?" Horuss blurted out, holding the phone close to him, hunched a bit over his desk as he felt people passing him, eyes glued to his figure.

"I'm sorry, but he is unable to speak at the moment. I'm sure you will be able to talk tomorrow." 

Horuss was worried. The soldier sounded a bit worried himself, and that only increased Horuss' anxiety. Quietly, he thanked the Private and received sympathy from Mr. Hans before being hung up on. The man put his phone back into his pocket before resting his head on his desk, sobbing quietly from conflicted feelings.

Work was over, finally, and Horuss quickly got out of there. While he walked to his car, his thoughts flew, as they had been all day since the phone call. When he got home at six, his thoughts flew. When he went immediately to his bedroom, too exhausted to eat or attempt to make food, his thoughts were still flying. Worry pelted him, anxiety was building up and making it hard to breathe. As he moved to his bed and sat at the side, he put his head into his hands and began to cry. He was happy, he was curious, he was sad, but, mostly, he was furiously angry. Why did this happen to Rufioh? It could have happened to anyone else, but it had to be Rufioh! Horuss could have convinced him not to go into the army, he swore he could have. These irrational thoughts only brought more tears down his face, which was covered in his long strands of hair. He rolled onto the bed, laying on his side, sobbing quieter and quieter for hours, until he fell asleep a complete mess.


	5. Everything Might Be Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the day late! I was pretty busy yesterday and this morning, so sorry! I'm trying to update with one chapter a day, but if I ever want to get a big one out, it will take me a couple days at least. For now, enjoy!

The light hurt his red and bruised eyes, stained from last nights tears. It was the light from his window. What? Oh no. Horuss never set his alarm and had slept in. He scrambled to get up and ready, before realizing that he needed to see Rufioh at the hospital. 

Horuss dove for his phone and quickly called into work. His boss was somewhat unhappy with him, having called in two hours late, but once the stallion explained his situation with choked words, the man on the other line completely understood.

Horuss calmly pulled off his work clothes and got into something more casual, but still dressy; he was seeing Rufioh for the first time in forever, whatever his condition, and he still wanted to look proper. He wore a nicely pressed shirt and a indigo vest, black pants, and his usual boots.

He walked out to note that it was a beautiful sunny day. His mood started to lift. Maybe everything was just fine. His condition might not be that bad, everything was going to be like it was when they were teens.  Young, stupid, head over heels in love. He smiled to himself gently as he walked to his vehicle, started the smaller car, backed out of the drive, and drove to the hospital.

His name was Horuss Zahhak and he was not prepared for what he was about to see.

Horuss stopped and parked in the parking lot of the local Louisiana hospital. It was fairly large, enough for a helicopter to land and to bring in patients from the surrounding areas.  His heart fluttered nervously in his chest as he began to walk toward it, the building looming largely over him with its sterile and strictly run environment. It sent shudders down his spine. 

Once inside, he spoke with the receptionist. She said that Rufioh Nitram had been transferred from the station hospital last night. Horuss inquired to whether he could see him. After a look over from the clerk, a sympathetic look, a sad, worried look, she nodded and told him of the room number. He nodded a curious thanks, but continued on anyway.

He walked. His steps were long, striding, but no way did it show the excitement pounding in his chest, the thoughts whirling in his head, the distant look in his eyes and the widening of his pupils as he reached the destination; room 42C. 

He raised his hand to knock before he hesitated, nervous flutters keeping his from bashing the door down and scooping up the battle scarred lover on the other side. Finally, he knocked. A gruff, annoyed, tired, young voice sounded on the other side, "Come in."

He opened the door and walked in, shutting it behind him.

There he was, laying on his side, facing the wall, a hand tangled in his shorter hair, but it was him. It was his love. Horuss found it hard to believe, since he had been gone for such a long time.

"Listen, doc, I know you say it's better for me but I really don't,"

He cut Rufioh off before he could continue.

"Rufioh," Horuss downturned lips stayed that way as the soldier turned over in his bed. Rufioh's eyes widened, as if not believing the sight of Horuss before him.

"Doll?" The words from his lips were, at first, full of curious excitement, longing, before he continued. "Ohhhh, oh god..."

Horuss stood there, those lat words bringing worry to his posture. "Is something wrong, Rufioh?" He knew there was, but he had better not intervene with however his love was trying to tell him. 

Rufioh looked at Horuss, noticing how, well, horrid he looked. His eyes were sunken in, bruised and red; his body was much thinner than it had once been, Rufioh assumed it was because Horuss hadn't been eating straight meals since he had left; and then his posture was absolutely falling. Rufioh sighed hard, he thought he should probably get this over with already.

Horuss watched carefully as his significant other sat up slowly, the sheet he had been under pulled up around him, and used one arm to pull it off of. The man put his hands over his mouth to contain a choked noise, to fight for the air he was loosing quickly as he now realized, it was not one arm, it was his only arm.

 


	6. "It's all my fault, Horuss."

Rufioh was missing one arm and one leg, both from the left side of his body. He averted his gaze from Horuss, who screeched in demanding, "How did this happen!?"

Rufioh flinched away from the shout before calmly replying, "I stepped on a mine. I guess I'm glad I'm not dead," he sighed deeply, looking at his half of a leg; then the full one, kicking it idly for a moment before continuing, "I saved my unit from the field of them by stepping on one and getting half of me blown off, hahaha." His laughter was forced and choked-- he was obviously upset. Rufioh bit his lip, eyes flicking up to meet Horuss'. The couple kept their strained eye contact for a moment, Horuss frozen in shock at the sight before him. It was painful, seeing his other like this, part of him missing, so horribly upset. Horuss reacted the only way he knew how when stress was suddenly forced upon him in public; he got angry.

"You, I, I told you to be careful!" He stuttered and screamed, Rufioh's eyes took quickly to widening again at the sudden shout that broke the silence. "I'm not surprised you didn't listen to me! Gosh, you just can't do anything but make me worried out of my damn mind!" 

Rufioh looked up, before it turned to a glare and he snapped back.

"You think this is MY fault?!" He yelled, gripping the bed he sat on with his hand.

"Well tell me whose it would be, then? YOU stepped on the damn bomb and blew yourself up!"

"I COULD BE DEAD YOU ASSHOLE!" Rufioh shrieked, tears welling at his eyes, "And I wish I was! I just got back, no, DISCHARGED, and all you can do, all my fucking boyfriend can do is yell at me and tell me it's my fault! I LOST HALF OF MY LIMBS AND ALL YOU DO IS GET MAD! No, 'I'm sorry love,' no anything but getting fucking yelled at! You're the worst! Why do I even put up with you?!"

Horuss stood there, heartbroken as he approached Rufioh and strongly pulled him in close for a loving embrace. The soldier sobbed hard into his loves shoulder, trying to push him away, but this failed him without his other arm.

"I'm sorry I got so frustrated, dear," Horuss spoke softly into the others ear, "I was so worried about you, and so scared something like this would happen," he pulled the crying man in tighter, his arm falling limply, having lost the desire to get away, "and... I love you Rufioh, I'm so sorry. I am so glad you've returned."

The other was not excited in the slightest, but sucked it up anyway. He breathed heavily, answering starkly, strained, worn, annoyed, "I'm glad to see you too, Horuss." 

Finally, the soldier put his arm around Horuss, resting his chin gently on the standing man's shoulder. He sighed, putting his only leg around the other, holding onto him as tightly as he could. He had missed his stallion so badly, and he was here. He was real, he could feel him, his heat, and as Rufioh's head came up and his lips crashed hard into the others, and the two passionately kissed, he could taste him, and he missed that, but now it was there. It was all there for him to enjoy, and as Horuss wrapped one arm around his back and the other under his rump and picked him up, their lips still locked together, Rufioh felt his own temperature rise, and knew Horuss felt the same while he put to other back down on the bed once more.

The two were both smiling, Rufioh's weaker than Horuss', though, for he was still bummed about loosing his position in the army, and, of course, two of his limbs. Horuss then inquired about what he said about the doctor, and Rufioh replied that it was due to him asking if he wanted prosthetics, to which Horuss replied and said to Rufioh that he should at least have another leg, because due to structural integrity of the body, and the rest of the words were completely lost to the ex soldier. 

Once Horuss realized this fact, he explained to him that it meant he needed to have two legs to be able to walk, so he should have a prosthetic leg, but the arm was optional. This made the man sigh deeply.

The two were forced into a silence as Rufioh thought about it. His mind was dulled, but active. He heard people moving, breathing, though the walls, his instincts were on hyperdrive. They had been that way since training, since boot camp, since his first mission. He let his guard down, it was all his fault that he was like this, he did everything to deserve this...

His head went quickly down and was cradled by his lone hand. After a heavy breath, and a loving hand placed on the armless shoulder, Rufioh agreed to a new leg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's more to come after this, and I'm happy that almost 100 people have looked at my fic so far! This chapter is a tiny bit longer than the others, and it was fun to write. I'd love it if any of you guys could leave comments or kudos, (I know I have a couple of the later!) and I'd love you guys to suggest things that I could focus on in this, or thigs that I can do better/should stop doing... Thank you for reading! Updates might get a bit slow as I get busy with friends and parties this week. Sorry! And again, thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

(Due to my computer breaking, I won't be posting anymore until I get a new one. I should have it by next week.)


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